Vipassana

Just before checking in to the 10-day silent meditation Vipassana course, I wrote:  

what could happen

In Ten Days?

people will die

bombs will explode

daily life routines will

continue to drone.

snow will fall

clouds will shift

hearts will break and 

people will fall in love.

the world continues to spin

by god, or unseen magicians

by the grace of the 

beloved musicians.

There's a lot I'm tempted to say about my time at the Vipassana Meditation Center in Pune, Maharashtra, India.  Saying too much might elicit expectations from others who have yet to experience it.  It's hard to approach anything without expectations, and I'm happy I went for it having heard only very general comments, without having read much.  I can say that the technique is brilliant!  

Imagine the ideal gift.  To do so, you might draw from past experiences.  Maybe your dear friend treated you to a day out:  breakfast at your favorite cafe, a walk in the park, yoga class, and an organic dinner with her comforting company all the while.  Perhaps you imagine a future gift, something you could really use.  The gift I discovered during Vipassana is the ideal gift that renews itself with each moment.  Here, we have another cliche, "that's why they call it the present".  When you choose to open it, this gift  continues to unfold.  The more it unfolds, the more beautiful it becomes.  It's you, it's the present, it's the universe, it's life.  As long as you're alive, you have the choice of acceptance.  In accepting this gift, the most beautiful depths of the self are revealed.  

There are so many ways to happiness, God, self-realization.  Vipassana is yet another practice worth trying.  Without focusing on God, the technique aims to positively alter the manner in which we react while broadening our understanding of impermanence.  In the end, we are guided down the road to decreased suffering... and increased happiness, patience, and compassion.  

If you've considered attending the course... do it!  Read no more.  

Listening to the Heart

I could feel it contracting as it was closing in on itself.  The wide, open feeling of lightness was narrowing with each consecutive breath.  I actually felt the seed of anxiety rooting within me.  Physically, my spine must have moved from an elongated upright posture to a shorter, hunched position.  That’s when I finally realized what I must do.  How grateful I am to have had such an extreme physical reaction to the tone of someone’s voice.  It is not wise to allow the fear of hurting others cause us to falter.  Rather, it is wisdom’s voice that allows us to free our hearts from succumbing to those who fail to recognize the source of happiness.

When we realize we’re going in a direction that’s not maintaining the integrity of our authentic being, may we be grateful.  And when we have the drive (and sense) to keep following the true path ingrained in the heart, may we rejoice.

I often find myself advising others to do what makes them happy, to follow their dreams.  Just as often, I have allowed self-discipline to weaken.  When there is knowledge of self, truth, and the source of happiness, love, and light... the weakening of self-discipline leads one to lazily take the downhill offshoots of paths that aren’t the most appropriate.  The laziness conceals awareness, covering it up, veil by veil.   To kick that laziness is to re-open the eyes, heart, and breath.  To kick that laziness is to allow my body to, once again, be that beautiful channel of pure love and light.  To kick that laziness is to acknowledge and remember the Voice of the Heart.  Welcome home.    Thank you, Mearm the catalyst.  

The Gayatri Mantra

Om Bhur Bhuvah Swaha

Tat Savitur Varenyam

Bhargo Devasya Dhimahi

Dhiyo Yonaha Pracho Dayat Om.

May we meditate on the effulgent Light (or Power) 

of the Worshipful One Who Has given birth to all worlds.

May this One direct our Mind-rays towards the path of Good.

Part III: Peace

SPEAKING OF HEALTH… Though I might not have the biggest circle of friends here, my social life still feels healthy.  I suppose a large number of friends is not what’s been needed.  Rather, over the past 6 months, I’ve spent many moments and days solo.  Out walking, exploring, reading, drawing, watching videos, and striving to learn more.  My time here’s been an attempt to fall more completely into knowing and loving the self, and accepting what is… 

So I’ve accepted with gratefulness that I’m 32 years old and haven’t chosen to settle down in any one place.  With gracefulness I’ve also realized that I’m not yet building up a retirement plan (or, what do you call them, 401-K?).  To think of the future is realistic and mature.  To settle into a mediocre life routine that works merely for the future, with the great hope of enjoying and embracing life’s fun when the kids are grown and we’re retired… In my opinion, that’s just taking too much for granted.  Not to judge anyone who’s comfortably settled.  Hats off to all who follow their hearts!  Having a house is probably a very comforting feeling.  I appreciate going back for holidays and summers to find a house full of loving family, great food, and incredible, rejuvenating warmth. When I’m in a regular place, it feels nice. 

Here I am, attempting to maintain enough money for the unforeseen emergency, period of joblessness, or desire to travel.  I’m already on the cusp of another transitional period, between jobs and places.  A few years ago, this may have caused in me anxiety and worry.  Now, it’s a blessing, because it’s my life.   As I stride into the unknown, there are infinite doors before me.  I may not be the epitome of stability, but I do work hard to maintain the inner space.  Our inner spaces can be filled with so many things, depending on what we allow for.  If we cultivate love and happiness, the space becomes a bright, shining light, giving us flexibility, compassion, and understanding.  If we ignore that inner space, it’s quickly filled with darkness and muck, veiling our senses, holding us back. 

This present situation has ended up being a time of tremendous, heart-opening growth.  Thanks to a life-changing University course titled Spiritual Development (in which I enrolled twice, because the instructor, program, and class were that good), I’ve learned and cultivated various spiritual practices and ways that have shown me how to more fully embrace life and experiences.  I’ve also been blessed with some incredible Spiritual Teachers over the past ten years. 

When we open our hearts and welcome, we’re able to receive signs.  These signs lead us down our own natural paths.  Be they people, emotions, or experiences, these signs from which we can learn… are always there.  We need only open our minds and hearts to them.  In turn, one begins to notice the effect of this open heart on others.  The world seems friendly, everything and everyone becomes more beautiful, and everything in life flows, as it’s naturally inclined to. 

What’s the point of any spiritual practice, and to where will these so-called paths lead us?  Beyond acceptance of all that is present, beyond realization of life’s impermanent beauty… May we move toward PEACE.  

Part II: Practice

SPEAKING OF PRACTICE, there’s more to life than work, eat, drink, be merry, and sleep.  According to the World Health Organization’s 1948 definition, health is:  a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.  Ask yourself, on a scale from 1-10, how you measure up overall.  How do you truly feel about your health?  According to a favorite university professor, most people tend to place themselves somewhere near the middle.  I feel 8.2.  After you mark your number, ask yourself what you’re doing to improve on it.  Shouldn’t we all be trying to move forward?  We’re not getting younger.  This is life, it’s not a dress rehearsal or preparation for the future.  We should be enjoying it to the utmost, feeling our best.  We need money for survival, but what is more important… having a shitload of money… or feeling like a million bucks?  What do we practice to maintain what we perceive as being ourselves, our sanity, our senses of well-being?  Self-medication and psycho-therapy sessions?  Television, sports, eating sweets, eating fresh foods, crosswords, reading, and the arts?  Worship, meditation, and taking time out for breathing and awareness?  Meeting with a book club, a Mom’s group, or happy hour buddies?  So many things, so many ways.  How positive or beneficial are our practices?   What do we spend our moments, days, months, years, and lives doing? Living.  Now.  No judgments here, nor expectations, and no excuses.  Explore and contemplate.  Think about your practices… and in which directions they’re leading you.  

It's coming soon...

THIS MORNING, as I emerged from the folded blankets that serve as my bed, I wasn’t cold. Sunbeams through the windows, and I opened the glass. The air wasn’t freezing. That dark, nasty, beautiful cloud that is winter… is going away. We had our times, and they were good: layering and bundling up for walks on those bitter, wind chilled mornings; day after day of overcast skies accompanied by warming coffee and sitting and drawing and reading. Snow flurries and hot chocolate, those were good times. All day, something familiar has been creeping in. My hands didn’t go numb as I hung the laundry out to dry. As the afternoon rolled on, I found myself waking up to absolute paradise. Others found the birds annoying, I found them delightful. There we were, outside for hours, walking to and fro, around and across the open fields bordered by trees and bland buildings of glass and concrete. There we were: throwing… discs! The clouds had parted, the sky was blue all day as sunbeams shone upon us and a chorus of perfect, angelic voices sang, Alleluia, reshaping my entire being into a Smile. A smile brought on, not by common niceties, but by happiness. Sometimes I wish my mood, my sense of euphoria, wasn’t directly proportional to what I perceive as being ideal weather. But I do embrace the dark moods of winter, and when the lightness and warmth of summer returns, I appreciate it that much more. 

So hear ye, those in harsher climates: it’s coming soon. The higher levels of energy, longer stretches of sunlight, blue skies, loquacious birds and wildlife… they’re right around the corner. I saw branches of plants budding like crazy. I touched beloved dandelions. Sure, we’ll have another cold spell or two, but today’s preview wanted me to tell you that it’s gonna be as awesome as it ever was. I just came down from the rooftop. Bright stars surrounded the half moon, and retrieving the laundry didn’t require gloves. The best part… my clothes smell like the beautiful, awakening Outdoors. 

Yoga of India in Korea

As we were about to enter a restaurant the other night, we spotted a yoga studio, Yoga of India. My new friend / co-worker, Donae, & I went up to check it out. Inside, we discovered a beautifully arranged space, dimly lit, comfortable, and adorned with Indian wall hangings. Sitting on a floor mat at a low table was the petite Korean yoga instructor, whose Indian name is Soma. She had studied yoga in India, spending time in Kerala and Pune. She welcomed us to join her classes at a very reasonable rate of 40,000 won ($) per month, for two classes each week. It’s about a ten-minute walk from our abode.

The next morning, we attended our first class. Behind the sheer, purple curtain, 18 or 19 mats were neatly arranged in the clean, quiet studio. We were a few minutes early, and the instructor welcomed us to choose our places for meditation. Though the sing-songy verbal cues were all in Korean, Donae and I had little difficulty following Soma’s sequence of asanas (postures). Her sun-salutations are almost precisely the same ten-step salutations that I do, and I could tell from the repetition when she was instructing us to inhale or exhale. Soma occasionally used the English or Sanskrit word for a posture, which was very helpful. There were about 6 or 8 other students that we were able to follow. For the next month, we’ll get two evenings a week of yoga: the perfect complement to another 40-day cycle of absolute sobriety and daily chanting of the mahamrityunjaya mantra. As the language of love is universal, so is the practice of yoga. Alhamdulillah!

What's going on

What’s going on

I am not yet awake, just dazy eyes
gazing out into reality, my world
which ends up being enough happiness
to make the day worthwhile.

That man who used to sell me coffee
has the warmest blood
flowing beneath his tattooed skin,
behind his smile, through his beating heart.
His brown hair is growing.
I thought of him as I thanked him for the coffee,
(and I think about him now.)

Later, as I wiped away the juicy remnants
of that fuzzy, ripe summer peach
I remembered the nature and conditions
and thought and work and tender care
behind its being: all that brought it to my hand.

In the nighttime I see the moon that everyone sees
if they look. I still wonder about those bricks
that make up the wall that supports the building
upon whose wooden floor I used to sleep.
I wonder about the men who made the bricks,
who laid the bricks, who drew the plan of that place, still standing:
and I love them.
I touched those bricks being rained on, being looked at by others.
I think about the other sets of eyes, the others who will look at,
who have seen those bricks.

The others, like all others, are not me.
The others, like all others, they are me. We are same.
Helping make the world go ‘round
with some, or a lot, of goodness within.